fucking well come &find me.

because i remember waking up in a foreign house on the first day of a foreign year in some faraway town in a room of people that i love.

because the minute i walked out of the bedroom where i was sleeping, the smell of old smoke and the cold coming in through the open windows took over.

because everyone was comfortable, although barely awake, listening to the royal tenenbaums soundtrack and smiling (despite how hung over we were).

because the first steps onto the porch on that first day of this past year were welcoming.

because the sky was gray and the wind was harsh, but we walked past every food establishment on that side of the city to find somewhere to fill our stomachs.

because places we passed smelled like the year before, but don't anymore.

because the ride home was warm but shared by two tired bodies hardly able to speak, listening to under the pink and the long drive album.

because things i left behind the night i fell asleep on that stranger's empty bed are gone still, and things i carried with me out that door in the morning are still here.

because i wish i would never have opened my arms.

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